hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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