Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
