I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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