we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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