guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
