i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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