The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
