Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
