I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
