Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
