My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
