At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
