some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
