She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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