Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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