Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Your dad touched me again.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
