New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
