You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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