idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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