So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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