I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
