So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
