1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just tell him i said nine months
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
