it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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