Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
