The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
