Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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