i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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