I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it's great music for shaving your balls
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
