i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Everything about him screamed your future.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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