I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
