dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
