Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
