we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
