I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
