Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
