Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
