do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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