well I can't set my house on fire every night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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