I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
