i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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