I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
