Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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