forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
