You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
