thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
