Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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