there's paper in my vomit.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
