She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
