i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
