If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
