dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
