First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
